Imagine Soccer Blogs

Manager Madness Part 2

The Second Part Of Our Comedy Countdown

Posted Feb 10, 2012 by Lip Service

Ian Holloway is the king of the ridiculous

 

Well, it’s Friday again (woooo!) and we here at Imagine truly do have that Friday feeling. So much so that we’re going to conclude our countdown of the maddest managers in the world, and share with all of our lovely readers some of their greatest quotes. So, our final two brings us to two absolute legends of the game: Sir Bobby Robson and Ian Holloway (who should become a ‘Sir’ pretty soon, simply for services to the quote).

2. Sir Bobby Robson. A magnificent, wonderful servant to football who achieved some magnificent things, Sir Bobby could nonetheless come out with the most insane analogies and contradictions outside of a meeting with Boris Johnson:

‘Tottenham have impressed me - they haven't thrown in the towel even though they’ve been under the gun.’

‘When Gazza was dribbling, he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket.’

"Manchester United dropped points, Liverpool dropped points, Chelsea dropped points, Everton dropped points, so in a way we haven't lost anything at all really, although we dropped all three..." – We wish Sir Bobby had done countdown.

‘They've probably played better than they've ever done for a few weeks.’ – Well, they say optimism is important in football.

‘Ray Wilkins' day will come one night.’ Perhaps Wilkins was nocturnal?

‘I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final.’ – Well, nothing like focus.

‘He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss.’ – At least Sir Bobby trusts his players.

“Maybe not goodbye, but farewell.”

‘We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.’ – Sir Bobby just bypasses mind games completey.

Lord High Ian Holloway. Unquestionably the maddest football boss in history, Ian Holloway is completely and utterly mental. Having had a collection of his published as a book, Sir Ian continues to lead the madcap race. Long may he reign…

‘I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark’ – Self esteem is vital in football.

‘In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. We can't go on like that. At full-time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell.’ – That’s one buttload of comparisons, right there.

‘Reporter: Ian, have you got any injury worries? Holloway: No, I'm fully fit, thank you.’ Ian taking a leaf from the Gordon Strachan school of responding to questions.

‘In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake gets talked about all the time is Rory’s throw. Call that cinnamon and he’s got a cinnamon flavoured cake. It’s not fair and it’s not right and it’s only a small part of what he does’ – I am at least 25% sure that this is a well meaning compliment to Holloway’s fellow manager.

‘He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive’ – Nope, can’t come up with a caption for this one, it’s priceless all by itself.

‘To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee.’ – Perhaps Holloway’s most famous, er, analogy, this little belter gave the book ‘Let’s Have Coffee’ it’s name.

‘It’s like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I’ve had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we’ve got hold of the galaxy now. It’s in our hands.’ – Holloway on QPR’s finances. I want him to be my bank manager.

‘I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose thats one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.’ – Holloway’s magnificent method of aiding his player’s self esteem.

Continue to check into Imagine for more of the latest soccer news & blogs.

Well, it’s Friday again (woooo!) and we here at Imagine truly do have that Friday feeling. So much so that we’re going to conclude our countdown of the maddest managers in the world, and share with all of our lovely readers some of their greatest quotes. So, our final two brings us to two absolute legends of the game: Sir Bobby Robson and Ian Holloway (who should become a ‘Sir’ pretty soon, simply for services to the quote).
2. Sir Bobby Robson. A magnificent, wonderful servant to football who achieved some magnificent things, Sir Bobby could nonetheless come out with the most insane analogies and contradictions outside of a meeting with Boris Johnson:
‘Tottenham have impressed me - they haven't thrown in the towel even though they’ve been under the gun.’

‘When Gazza was dribbling, he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket.’
"Manchester United dropped points, Liverpool dropped points, Chelsea dropped points, Everton dropped points, so in a way we haven't lost anything at all really, although we dropped all three..." – We wish Sir Bobby had done countdown.

‘They've probably played better than they've ever done for a few weeks.’ – Well, they say optimism is important in football.

‘Ray Wilkins' day will come one night.’ Perhaps Wilkins was nocturnal?

‘I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final.’ – Well, nothing like focus.

‘He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss.’ – At least Sir Bobby trusts his players.

“Maybe not goodbye, but farewell.”

‘We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.’ – Sir Bobby just bypasses mind games completey.
Lord High Ian Holloway. Unquestionably the maddest football boss in history, Ian Holloway is completely and utterly mental. Having had a collection of his published as a book, Sir Ian continues to lead the madcap race. Long may he reign…
‘I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark’ – Self esteem is vital in football.
‘In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. We can't go on like that. At full-time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell.’ – That’s one buttload of comparisons, right there.
‘Reporter: Ian, have you got any injury worries? Holloway: No, I'm fully fit, thank you.’ Ian taking a leaf from the Gordon Strachan school of responding to questions.
‘In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake gets talked about all the time is Rory’s throw. Call that cinnamon and he’s got a cinnamon flavoured cake. It’s not fair and it’s not right and it’s only a small part of what he does’ – I am at least 25% sure that this is a well meaning compliment to Holloway’s fellow manager.
‘He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive’ – Nope, can’t come up with a caption for this one, it’s priceless all by itself.
‘To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee.’ – Perhaps Holloway’s most famous, er, analogy, this little belter gave the book ‘Let’s Have Coffee’ it’s name.
‘It’s like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I’ve had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we’ve got hold of the galaxy now. It’s in our hands.’ – Holloway on QPR’s finances. I want him to be my bank manager.
‘I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose thats one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.’ – Holloway’s magnificent method of aiding his player’s self esteem.
Continue to check into Imagine for more of the latest soccer news & blogs.

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