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Manager Madness

The Very Best Quotes From The Mad World Of Football Management

Posted Jan 27, 2012 by Lip Service

Bobby Robson has come up with some genius quotes

5. Kevin Keegan. Whilst notorious for his ‘LOVE IT if we beat them’ speech, Geordie hero Kev also brought his fair share of insanity to the footballing world…

‘The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23.’ – Mr Keegan managing in backwards land.

‘He’ll also be very dangerous from set-pieces. That means he’ll be a threat from free-kicks and corners in the final third of the field.’ – Er, thanks for the clarity.

‘It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card.’ – LSD fairly common at St James’, apparently.

‘In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.’ Mr Keegan, who did not go on to be a physiotherapist.

‘The ref was vertically 15 yards away.’ Perhaps he’d been kicked by Roy Keane.

4. Gordon Strachan. The pint sized Scot was renowned for being mouthy as a player, but when he became a manager he didn’t half take it up a level…

‘Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....’ – Said reporter was rushed to the hospital for treatment to a massive burn soon after this.

(Talking about Wayne Rooney) ‘Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.’ Amazingly, Gordon avoided a lawsuit following this one.

Reporter: Gordon, can we have a quick word please?’
Strachan: Velocity" [walks off] -There are no words for this one. Genius.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down. – Strachan was no fan of journalists.

‘I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.’ – Gordon’s transfer policy unveiled.

3. Ron Atkinson. Before he began offending everyone in sight, Big Ron was a handy manager. He was also handy at generating sheer randomness…

‘When Scholes gets it [tackling] wrong, they come in so late that they arrive yesterday'’ – Big Ron promoting Paul Scholes for the Dr Who role.

"I would not say David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better" – Well, that’s that cleared up then.

"Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's. Movement and positioning" Big Ron went into English tuition following this match.

"Chelsea look like they've got a couple more gears left in the locker" – Presumably a mechanic in an earlier life.

Join us next Friday for part two of our great managerial madness run-down…

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