Imagine Soccer Blogs

'He Said What?!'

Some of the funniest, and most ridiculous quotes to have ever emerged from the beautiful game

Posted Feb 17, 2012 by Lip Service

Soccer is a serious game: anyone who’s woken bug eyed with exhaustion just to catch that league two play off repeat at three in the morning knows this.

But what of the stupid side of the game? We take a look at some of the more ridiculous statements to have ever slipped from the mouths of those glorious men who love the beautiful game as much as we do. Just don’t trust them to make sense, that’s all…

"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones"
Chris Turner’s magnificent man-management tactics to his 1992 Peterborough side.

"Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don't pay a million for a guy to hang around in defence."
An NY Cosmos executive displaying his sensitivity when it comes to Franz Beckenbauer’s positioning.

"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"
George Best, telling it like it is.

"If we played like that every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
Bryan Robson – winning points for observation back in 1990.

"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.

"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs"
Sky Pundit Andy Gray revealing his other interest: biology.

“Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?”
“You have to finish above everyone to win the league, Richard. “

Liverpool boss Roy Evans: he’s not wrong.

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen."
Terry Venables, dropping a pearl of wisdom.

"I don't believe in luck... but I do believe you need it."
Alan Ball in a post-match interview. That’s that cleared up, then.

"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different."
Trevor Brooking: next week to be hosting a series of lectures on time-keeping.

"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead."
Commentator Tom Ferrie: perhaps he could take some Biology tips from Andy Gray.

"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley...unless somebody knocks us out."
Dave Bassett flying the flag for optimism.

"What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal."
Jimmy Hill, very aware of which sport he’s watching.

"Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins."
Brian Moore, making sense.

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
David Ackfield, who should under no circumstances be shown ‘The Matrix’, lest he explode.

‘If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers."
Mick Lyons: probably not writing a book on causality.

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
Stuart Pearce, presumably after a heavy acid trip.


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